at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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