sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
false alarm, still single
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