I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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