Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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