Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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