dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just pee around me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize