This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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