Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
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That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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