Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
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He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
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I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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