My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize