just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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