you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm passing your future prison.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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