If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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