we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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