So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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