man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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