Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize