new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
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You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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