i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
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