i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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