she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
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I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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