I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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