I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I love you. Go after that dick
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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