I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
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I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
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You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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