He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize