The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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