the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
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almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Boobs are out for the taking
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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