the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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