My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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