i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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