i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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