I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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