He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
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my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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