He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
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I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
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We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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