you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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