I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
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I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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