either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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