Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize