I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I fill condoms, not promises.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize