3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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