It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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