I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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