and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
time to smoke my breakfast
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize