last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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