Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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