Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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