He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
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Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
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we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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