uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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