Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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