Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize